And by "fuzzy", I mean lots of things... I mean gosh, how can you NOT get all kinds of warm fuzzy feelings when you look at those babies? Those chubby cheeks, those squishy arms! The adorableness... It certainly makes my insides go all kinds of fuzzy.
However, it also makes my brain go fuzzy. On a million different levels, FUZZY. First off... I have no idea which child is which in this picture. Who is Evan? Who is Jack? I'd love to say with the utmost of certainty that Jack is on the right. More so because that's how it went in MANY photos... Jack was put in chronological order, thereby always ending up on the right hand side of the picture. But this leaves my mind entirely too fuzzy... Who is that kid? Is that one the one that I think that it is? Is he who I think he is? Meh. Doesn't matter. He's still cute. Brushed back into the confines of my mind... We'll refer to this period of time as the "Jevan months" because no sooner did we think we were talking to Evan, would we recognize it was Jack. Or vice versa, making many names sound like Jevan... Not quite Jack, Not quite Evan... Jevan.
I also had to do the math for when this photo was taken. The boys nearing 4 months old... We were in the Outer Banks, their first vacation. As far as this trip goes... It's all kind of a blur, lots of fuzz. The fuzziness that enshrouded my first few months as a Mom to these guys is in all reality a little scary. I'm really glad that I have our old blog archived, a virtual scrapbook of sorts. It too though, portrayed very little of what was really going on in my world... I know that there was no mention back then of the Post Partum depression, the frustrations with understanding my children and where I fit into their lives, struggling with living up to my own expectations of being the best Mom possible and seemingly failing at every turn... I don't recall mentioning any of that in the blog. Perhaps because it was all fuzzy even then? Was I living in a haze even then? Or was I just trying to fool myself into thinking it was all OK?
Regardless, that fuzz got me through that first year. I just wish I could remember who the kid on the right is. And perhaps one of these days, I'll let you in on how these past few years really went...