I woke up yesterday morning with a knot in my stomach the size of a baseball. I remember, as a child, waking up every single morning for about a week before school started and feeling like I was going to puke. I always wished I had those nerves of steel that I had heard about... I totally didn't. I feared change, I feared the unknown, I feared eating lunch alone. These nerves and fear continued well into College, and even into days before starting a new job. I prayed that I didn't pass this trait onto my children...
Waking up this morning for the boys first day of school, I was a mixed bag of emotion. I felt so much excitement for them, and so much fear, and anxiousness that I couldn't make heads or tails of what I was feeling... I wanted to just hug them, and kiss them and tell them all about what it was that they were going to be feeling and seeing and experiencing... Except, for once, I didn't know. I realized, I had absolutely NO clue what they were going to be doing! I only could assume, and tell them what I did (nearly a MILLION years ago). I have a distinct feeling that things have changed since 1982 when I went off to Kindergarten.
Lucky for me, all three of the boys seemed completely unaffected by the fact that they were going to be leaving me today for the morning, and embarking on one of the biggest and most important journey's of their lives. Their excitement was palpable, especially when William awoke and leaped into my bed exclaiming "wake UP Momma! Today is the first day of school! We need to EAT!"... Clearly not nervous.
As I sit her typing this, I have about 15 minutes before I'm allowed into the school to pick them up. I wonder what they learned, I wonder who they ate with, I wonder if they made any friends, I wonder if they remember their teachers name... But most importantly, I wonder if they missed me. I wonder if they were wondering what I was doing while they were busy learning where the bathrooms were, and where to put their backpacks... Because, I have missed them incredibly since they walked out of my arms and into the line for the school...
We do it all again tomorrow, and I'll send Noelle & Lilley off as well. I'll be alone for the entire morning... You might want to pray for my sanity and hope that I don't go off the deep end and paint a bathroom or something.
